Filed under: London 2012
It’s no secret, we’ve never been happy bunnies when it comes to the Olympics.
We’ve no problem with all the magnificent sports men and women who have dedicated their lives to moving themselves/other things very fast/far. As sports people ourselves, we’re more than a little in awe. But everything else around the shameful London 2012 lark contributes to giving us some serious indigestion.
That being the case, we brought together some of the finest talent that we could find under the banner of The Real Continuity IOC and prepared our own Closing Ceremony, impeccably timed to just beat Danny Boyle’s Opening Ceremony to the ceremonial post, thus annuling the Olympics.
And what a closing ceremony it was!
The Sack Jeremy Hunt Race
The winner of the sack race – a lovely French woman called Marika – got the immense privilege of signing our letter calling for Jeremy Hunt to resign, before delivering it to the offices of the Department of Culture, Media, Olympics and Sport, where (after some toing and froing with the security) we left it for Mr Hunt.
We’re yet to receive a response.
The Olympic Free Zone
Moving up Regent Street (where we offered our support to the Olympic brand police by identifying all non-Olympic sponsors with our O BOLLLOX stickers), we set up the Olympic Free Zone in Picadilly, a rigorously enforced area in which no material relating to any Olympic sponsors was allowed to enter.
The throng of tourists and the Chinese TV crew that were in the area were delighted (the latter particularly so, by obtaining evidence that not only Beijing is controversial) and couldn’t get enough images of our little gang (with the Olympic Beast taking the prize for most photogenic Grunter).
The Olympic Traffic Standstill
Moving in to Soho, our calm and reflective commentary on the Olympic lanes was less than well received by one car driver, desperate to get home to watch Danny Boyle’s efforts.
The Anti-Spectacular Fireworks and Laser Light Show
Arriving in Soho Square, just around the corner from where we born 5 inspiring years ago, the Olympic Free Zone was reinstated, and the ceremony concluded with a grunting spin on the traditional fireworks and laser show. (We also tried to set Richard Dedomenici’s Olympic Torch on fire; discovering – with a modicum of disappointment – that it’s inflammable).
Photos: Alessandra Cianetti
THUS ENDS GRUNTS FOR THE ARTS
It wasn’t just the Olympics that were closed with this ceremony. It was also Grunts for the Arts time to end; from the first cuts to Lottery Funding in 2007 to the closure of the Olympics in 2012, we’ve been there all the way, fighting the sporting fight and defending the artistic good. So long lovely people. We’ll miss you…
With thanks to all who came along and contributed on the day, with a special mention going to Poplar TV and for their sterling work recording our (and many more Olympic related) actions.
The Real Continuity IOC…
OBESUS, HIRSUTUS, STUPIDUS
Why everything apart from the actual sport sucks
- Critical Network – Culture, The 2012 Whitewash
- The Space Hijackers (Official Protesters of London 2012) – 10 Reasons why the Olympics are worth protesting
- The Artist Taxi Driver – The Cultural Olympiad
- Games Monitor
- Counter Olympics Network
- Not like the Queen, but like John Hurt
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