Grunts for the Arts

Sporting Artistry
May 29, 2007, 9:39 am
Filed under: Artists' Sports Days

The sun rose on a day of glorious monotony; the sky was a smoky shade of grey and the smell of rain was in the air.

But here a lesson is to be had here in the deception of appearances. For scrape away at the humdrum veneer of the 26th May and we see that, like the ants, earwigs and beetles that can be found underneath the pavements of concrete that line our streets, the people of Grunts for the Arts were also beneath the suburban surface; making busy, coming together, and preparing a day of renown and distinction the like of which has rarely been seen before.

Dr Jane Munro’s Gymnastics Corner. The winning entry.

A tent was erected, tracks and pitches marked out, banners staked into the ground, and a smoothly run, efficiently organised and truly poetic afternoon of artistic athleticism was undertaken.

Mere words can’t do justices to the sublime sense of joy and satisfaction that those participating experienced, the exhilaration and the ecstasy became almost tangible, an eerie white aura that surrounded the participants, blowing away the gloom and the tedium that the weather was trying to force upon us.

An Eerie Whiteness

The events came thick and furious; a flurry of hearty happenings punctuating the afternoon; feats of mythological standards were achieved; and everyone smiled most of the bloody time as well!

You can’t have all the people smiling all the time.

Special mention must be made for those competitors who astounded all with the Butoh 400m – an event which, whilst having perhaps the biggest non-event of a start ever witnessed in competitive athleticism, was beautiful to witness (for the whole two hours it took to run).

Every last soul that partook in handbag hurling deserves a medal. And that includes the commentators and cameramen (it’s a dangerous job y’know). Unfortunately only one award could be given out, but that’s the rules, innit?

Every Last Handbag Hurler The same amazing people. But from a different angle.

And that’s not to diminish the achievements of those who competed in the High Heel 100m, the Celebrity Sack Race, the Durational Knitting Sprints and every other event that made the day the wonder that it was; apologies for not giving you more detailed analysis, but hyperbole can only go so far, and if we keep going through every event in this manner, you’re going to start finding the words a little tedious.

So have an admire of the photos below and then keep reading for a list of those champions of humanity who gained a medal in the (earlier than planned due to the shocking weather conditions) award ceremony. And then take time to think of those who didn’t get a medal.
We’re into losers here at Grunts for the Arts.
We take pride in remembering the forgotten, the lost, the abysmally unsporty.
After all, without those who come last, there can be none who come first…

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, there was arts funding. Erecting stuff. The Butoh 400m - it was a close ran (?) contest. Have you ever seen a runner on the blocks look this happy? That would be  the joy of cross-dressing. Perhaps unfairly, neither of these two won. Ann Widdecombe won this. (Considering there was two of her taking part, perhaps unsurprisingly) What 400m of Butoh can do to you. A sport that justifies this kind of behaviour. Check the celebrities! Hurling, dancing or gymnastics? No one’s entirely sure. Hungry for High Heel Honour Shake, Booty and Roll.

Photos courtesy of:
Roland Buckingham
Dan Machen
Thomas J Bacon
Emma Cameron
Adele Prince.
The copyright remains with the holder.
So don’t sell em for loads of money, alright? (The photos, not the holders of the copyright – you’ll have a struggle if that’s your intention)

To view more, check:!F1AEEE517C3F465F!1057/

Warm up

And here’s some moving image for you as well.

Alternatively, if you can’t be arsed with all that streaming nonsense, send us an e-mail and we’ll happily burn you a magnificently hi-res version that you can look at on the whole of your computer screen without any loss of quality! And as added excitement, the CD version comes with a whole 2 and a half minutes of extra footage, including extended Awards Ceremony scenes and The National Pottery Jackpot Draw!

On that note of exceptional height, and without any form of further ado – we are very proud to present to you…

    The Winners (as presented by Boris Johnson MP, courtesy of Richard Dedomenici)

    Thomas J Bacon’s 400m Butoh Walk/Sprint

    Thomas J Bacon (a coincidence, honest)

    Pamela Gilmore’s Oddegg and Spoon Race

    Charlie Ryder

    Dr Jane Munro’s Gymnastics Corner

    Bryony Kimmings
    Daniel Oliver
    Tim Jeeves

    Celebrity Sack Racing

    Gary Harvey

    High Heel 100m

    Gary Harvey

    The Sports Day Dance-Off

    El Rizal

    Handbag Hurling

    Bryony Kimmings

    Rachel Gomme’s Durational Knitting Sprints

    Unknown (erm, we’ve forgotten, sorry – let us know and we’ll give all due accolade)

    This list is by no means definitive, could very easily be wrong and is very prone to change as we’re updated with more accurate information.


1 Comment so far
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Well done you lot for braving the pouring rain and potential embarassment of attempting sports! I’m sorry to have missed you – give us some more warning next time and we’ll get alot more supporters together for this worthy cause!

Comment by Emily

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