Grunts for the Arts

The sun rose on a day of glorious monotony; the sky was a smoky shade of grey and the smell of rain was in the air.

But here a lesson is to be had here in the deception of appearances. For scrape away at the humdrum veneer of the 26th May and we see that, like the ants, earwigs and beetles that can be found underneath the pavements of concrete that line our streets, the people of Grunts for the Arts were also beneath the suburban surface; making busy, coming together, and preparing a day of renown and distinction the like of which has rarely been seen before.

A tent was erected, tracks and pitches marked out, banners staked into the ground, and a smoothly run, efficiently organised and truly poetic afternoon of artistic athleticism was undertaken.

Mere words can’t do justices to the sublime sense of joy and satisfaction that those participating experienced, the exhilaration and the ecstasy became almost tangible, an eerie white aura that surrounded the participants, blowing away the gloom and the tedium that the weather was trying to force upon us.

The events came thick and furious; a flurry of hearty happenings punctuating the afternoon; feats of mythological standards were achieved; and everyone smiled most of the bloody time as well!

Special mention must be made for those competitors who astounded all with the Butoh 400m – an event which, whilst having perhaps the biggest non-event of a start ever witnessed in competitive athleticism, was beautiful to witness (for the whole two hours it took to run).

Every last soul that partook in handbag hurling deserves a medal. And that includes the commentators and cameramen (it’s a dangerous job y’know). Unfortunately only one award could be given out, but that’s the rules, innit?

And that’s not to diminish the achievements of those who competed in the High Heel 100m, the Celebrity Sack Race, the Durational Knitting Sprints and every other event that made the day the wonder that it was; apologies for not giving you more detailed analysis, but hyperbole can only go so far, and if we keep going through every event in this manner, you’re going to start finding the words a little tedious.

So have an admire of the photos below and then keep reading for a list of those champions of humanity who gained a medal in the (earlier than planned due to the shocking weather conditions) award ceremony. And then take time to think of those who didn’t get a medal.
We’re into losers here at Grunts for the Arts.
We take pride in remembering the forgotten, the lost, the abysmally unsporty.
After all, without those who come last, there can be none who come first…

Photos courtesy of:
Roland Buckingham
Dan Machen
Thomas J Bacon
Emma Cameron
Adele Prince.
The copyright remains with the holder.
So don’t sell em for loads of money, alright? (The photos, not the holders of the copyright - you’ll have a struggle if that’s your intention)

To view more, check:
http://tjbaconx.spaces.live.com/photos/cns!F1AEEE517C3F465F!1057/\
http://www.sports-day.net/dancing.html
http://www.flickr.com/photos/adeleprince/sets/72157600281414944/

And here’s some moving image for you as well.

Alternatively, if you can’t be arsed with all that streaming nonsense, send us an e-mail and we’ll happily burn you a magnificently hi-res version that you can look at on the whole of your computer screen without any loss of quality! And as added excitement, the CD version comes with a whole 2 and a half minutes of extra footage, including extended Awards Ceremony scenes and The National Pottery Jackpot Draw!

On that note of exceptional height, and without any form of further ado - we are very proud to present to you…

The Winners (as presented by Boris Johnson MP, courtesy of Richard Dedomenici)Thomas J Bacon’s 400m Butoh Walk/Sprint Thomas J Bacon (a coincidence, honest)

Pamela Gilmore’s Oddegg and Spoon Race

Charlie Ryder

Dr Jane Munro’s Gymnastics Corner

Bryony Kimmings
Daniel Oliver
Tim Jeeves

Celebrity Sack Racing

Gary Harvey

High Heel 100m

Gary Harvey

The Sports Day Dance-Off

El Rizal

Handbag Hurling

Bryony Kimmings

Rachel Gomme’s Durational Knitting Sprints

Unknown (erm, we’ve forgotten, sorry - let us know and we’ll give all due accolade)

This list is by no means definitive, could very easily be wrong and is very prone to change as we’re updated with more accurate information.

People we’re fond of, like and have helped us become the grunts that we are today.

http://www.counterproductions.co.uk/
An organisation and producer of transdisciplinary art projects (including visual art, installation, performance, live art and theatre). Home of the lovely and inspirational Charlie Fox.

www.rationalrec.org.uk
A monthly inter-art social occasion, incorporating sound, music, text, performance, film and psychological experiments.

www.independentarts.org.uk
A website created to act as a hub for all the actions and shenanigans that people are up to to in an attempt to encourage the government to do the right thing in regard to UK arts funding.

www.insight-images.co.uk
A lovely man by the name of Paul who did our logo lives here.

www.newworknetwork.org.uk
A network for artists making new work. Meet people, hear about new opportunities and events, and have intelligent conversation. It’s bloody brilliant and it’s only £10 to be a member until you die!

www.myspace.com/thespokenspace
A collective for performers who write and writers that perform. The creators of the wonderful Dadaist Decathlon.

www.tjbaconx.spaces.live.com
The homepage of Thomas J Bacon, the man behind, and the reigning champion of, the infamous 400m Butoh Walk.

http://www.sports-day.net
A collaboration between Adele Prince and Ellie Harrison. It’s purpose? To combine sport and art into a happy hybrid.

http://www.dedomenici.co.uk
The virtual abode of the exceptionally brilliant and really rather entertaining Richard Dedomenici. This man is both our link with Boris Johnson and the soul behind the next stage in the evolution of football - Triball.

Upset about the Grants for the Arts cuts?

Disappointed at the redirection of money from art to sport?

Confused by the fact that Sport England is getting its funding cut as well? (To fund sport. In England.)

Coming to take part in the Grunts for the Arts Artist’s Sports Day on the 26th May, but wondering what else you can do?

Signed the petition at http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/lotteryolympics and still wondering what else you can do?

Well, Grunters and Gruntettes – that’s where your ever-helpful friends at Grunts for the Arts might be able to assist. We want your stories about Grants for the Arts – tell us about funding applications successful and funding applications failed, spill the beans on the huge sums of money that you have been given, and remind us of the time that you waited 6 weeks to be told that you’d been awarded the bus fare home.
We want to know about applications you’ve made, and applications you’ve been an indirect beneficiary of.
We haven’t got a clue how much of you rather lovely artistic types have benefited in some way from Grants for the Arts, but it’s probably quite a bloody lot. Maybe even most of you.

So tell us about it. Share your stories. Go on. It only need be a few words. Say fifteen or so (though don’t hold back either).

We want to spread the word to the man and woman on the street who’s only heard about Grants for the Arts when The Sun’s got excited because someone’s pretending to be a dead soldier or wanted to kick a kebab packet down the street in the name of art. We think they’d want to know about how his community has been brought closer, her life more beautiful, and all our worlds that much more smiley.

We want the real story. For the web. For print. For the world outside this pantheon of artiness we all inhabit.

And of course, if you feel you need to, be anonymous – we won’t say who you are unless you want us to.
(Though we will wonder why you’re such a lily-livered, pussy-whipped pile of quivering mush.)

Send your stories to gruntsforthearts@googlemail.com please, and we’ll stick them online and give out copies to everyone we can find….

Well, if you haven’t signed the petition, it’s too late now. Your last chance was the last minute of the 16th September 2007 - and never before will you have another one.

Never.

Just a little under 26,000 people did pull their finger out, and every single one of them deserves a massive amount of praise.

If you one of those who didn’t - we don’t know how you get to sleep at night…